The other day, I had a dream that I was praising God for getting me through a difficult time. By the time I woke up to remember it, all I could recall was the phrase "don't be afraid to do what God called you to do." I found this to be a little strange, since I never felt so confused about a dream's message before. I learned to not be afraid and do what God wants, even if it's difficult for me. Why would this be important to me now, if I am bold in faith and prepared to fight for God? Everything was in place and I had absolutely no reason to be discouraged from God's plan. I wrote the phrase into my phone to see if it would eventually play a more significant role in my future.
So a few days passed and I went about my life, finishing up my semester at college. In one of the last days I was on campus, I received a few emails (all addressing separate topics) that just sent everything downhill. My stable future...wasn't so stable anymore. Everything I planned on was a waste, as it all just disappeared with my smaller dreams and goals. Not so good.
I was beyond ready to quit, withdraw, transfer, switch my major, anything to make the changes easier. Yet with everything I tried to change, I grew unhappier and unhappier. I knew that I needed to be where I was; no other option could replace or satisfy what I am passionate about. I prayed about my future and just stayed where I was, trusting God. I ended up going into my phone's notes to take down my work hours, but in so doing, I found that phrase:
Don't be afraid to do what God called you to do
When I thought I was firm in what I wanted, it turns out that I wasn't as strong on my own. I needed to know that God wants this for me. I didn't make a decision without praying and listening to God, and now I am more than confident that even though my ideals are not going to work out, something else will. And I know that God has bigger and better plans. He won't give me anything I can't handle.
This story has not ended yet, but I am sure that God will be faithful in getting me through this.
They say that you don't know what you have until it's gone.
I always believed that you do, but tend to value it more when you no longer possess it.
I had such amazing influences on my life and an amazing job in the past.
Recently, I've realized how grateful I truly am for them, even though they ended.
I left my job for school (it was seasonal anyways) and barely get to see my inspirations anymore.
I missed it all, I tell you.
The experiences I had and people I shared them with are irreplaceable.
I wanted to revert back to that time, but evidently, I couldn't.
By the grace of God, I got my job back. Things are different there now, and it's definitely not the same, but I missed it.
My influnces, I still see them every now and again. Not every day, but I still communicate with them.
Being back at my old job, in that environment in which I felt I outgrew, I realized that I don't want to go back to where I was; I just miss the memories.
Time is a crazy thing, but we just gotta keep moving with it and make every moment count.
Living, not just existing, is what drives us to accomplish amazing things.
God gave us life so that we may be like him. He wants us to change the world.
Because in the end, it's what we do that makes a difference.
Our actions may seem like nothing to us now, but years from now, they will be what impacted us most.
reflecting upon my choices Category:Life Views:
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ahh college. it may be the best time of your life, or the worst. personally, i love school, so it's been a great experience. i go to a local state school, which happens to have one of the best programs for my major in the nation (one of the only one that even had what i was looking for).
there were times when i looked into different universities and would have compromised parts of my life to be happy there. i would change my major, travel 1000 miles away, or just go somewhere else. i didn't want to go to a state school. i wanted to be able to be around other Christians, pursue my career, and still enjoy my interests.
looking back now, i never would have been able to afford the travel and tuition for the other schools, especially for compromising my ideals. it would have been a waste.
by the time i applied, i realized this and only applied to a couple of state schools: one, just as a backup, and the other, because they had everything i needed. the one i was most likely to go to was the closest, and i wasnt too happy about that, but when it all comes down to it, i don't mind it. i was really trusting God with my decision to go to this school, since my heart wasn't exactly settled to go there at first.
i got everything i wanted at this university and more. im in their very selective honors program, have been taking classes for my major (they do have the best program here, in all honesty), and have been participating in Christian organizations and clubs for my interests. i was one of the top writers in an essay contest, have a very nice roommate and floor friends, live in the best dorm & room, and have a partial scholarship. i've also been to a private radio concert for britt nicole (my all time FAVORITE singer) and volunteered at revolve (where I completely gave it all to Jesus three/four years ago).
now if you were to ask me what i expected before i began classes, i wouldnt have believed half of the above. i'm just a freshman, trying to make it into my desired career program. God really does have better plans for us, we just need to trust in Him and His ways. i expected college to be a mediocre, study constantly kind of deal, but i have gotten such a better experience (so far) because I trusted God. sometimes we think we have the better plans for our lives, but in all reality, God does. we just have to follow him
i think there is a time in life when we all experience anxiety of some form. (i just did a huge project on it, but i wont get into the details of it). there are so many types and severities of this excessive worry and inability to control it.
anxiety is mental pain.
anxiety is fear.
why do we allow ourselves to go through with this?
it just worsens everything.
no, we cannot control it, but we serve a God of peace, who wants us to live in that peace.
tell him what makes you anxious; what makes you fearful.
God did not call us to live in fear, so why should we?
Our God holds our future.
If he didn't, then we would really have something to be anxious about.
But our God has a plan for our lives.
And that is enough to calm me.
Just tell him what concerns you. Tell it all to God.
And I promise you, God will get you through it.
Every few weeks, I have left a note to myself on YouVersion (my Bible app) as a prayer to God about what's going on in my life. I was reading up on my old ones to compare my past to present, and to see how God has answered my prayers. Here's one from two weeks ago that really stood out to me:
Dear Heavenly Father,
You say that everything happens for a reason; but I cannot see the greater purpose in this situation. I need you to show me that you are doing this for my good. I need you to help me get over this sadness and disappointment and feeling of never being good enough. Lord, I want to wake up in the morning with confidence, like I used to. I want to believe that I am good enough, but believing that has become more than difficult. Help me to see that I am indeed loved, by quality not quantity. Help me to live in your word, and really live in it. Help me to become who you called me to be. I see my future and cannot do any of this without you. I pray that I never lose sight of why I am here and always find a reason to keep going. God, you say that you won't give me anything I can't handle, so I know I can go through this. Lord, just please fill me. Never let me walk alone. Don't let me stray from you as I go on each day. Lord, I pray that you use me to share my testimony with others and inspire them to run to you. God thank you for that time that I did...in front of a hundred people. Lord they listened. I wasn't nervous. I really did do that. God thank you for that. I pray that you remind me that something good comes from everything. Thank you Lord.
And in Jesus' name,
Amen.
So what was going on was complicated. I was losing my best friends as they pursued earthly desires and I really wanted to reach out to them. They still haven't listened, but it's getting there (hopefully). I felt so alone, as only a couple of my friends are actually faithful to me. But God has shown me that it is not about how many friends I have, but how many people I can positively affect. (There is a difference :)
My professors in my major (I'm a college student) told me that my work was not sufficient and I was heartbroken. Hours of work poured into papers and papers, to ultimately amount to nothing. I really did not feel good enough, but knew that God saw me as sufficient. Since then, things have gotten better and I have grown more patient with their comments. God has been patient with me, so I learned how to be patient with them.
My heart was burning with desire to reach out to others, but I didn't really know how. I wrote an essay, which was my testimony, and it won a campus-wide contest. They wanted me to read it in front of an audience, which was intimidating, but ultimately rewarding. I got up to the podium and wasn't nervous, and gave the best presentation that I ever had -- in front of 100 professors and students. It was beyond amazing. They all listened.
It's just amazing to see where God has taken me. I may be in the process of fulfilling these tasks still, but I'm one step closer to achieving them :)
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