||was it worth it
If you've followed my blogs over the past year, you could probably tell what this one's about. As a high school senior, the two classes I've committed myself to over the past 4 years were booked the same block. It was awful at first, trying to choose between Advanced TV Productions and AP Spanish. Thankfully, it did kinda work out, since I took Spanish and did an independent study in TV. Was it difficult? Yes. Was it worth it? I couldn't tell you.
In both world langauges and TV, I was a top student. My teachers put their faith in me to succeed and rise to the top. But, as a world language major for college, I had to stay in Spanish. Leaving TV was painful, but I had to. The relationships formed with the team of students, and even the teacher, is so difficult to leave. But I knew I belonged in that Spanish class.
By doing this independent study, I had new opportunities that I never would have gotten any other way. I had to work on this during a different block, evidently, which allowed me to bond with others in my TV class who I never really knew. I got to teach an intro class several times on video editing. I even taught my teacher. He even hired me to work for him as theatre tech for events at the auditorium. I got to participate in various projects for the independent study students, which were awesome.
In Spanish, however, my story begins over a year ago. I had summerwork, which mainly consisted of immersing myself in the Spanish world and culture. So I did so, filling up pages of my work, along with the other essays and reading. On the first day of class, I couldn't help but think about what I was missing, but soon after, when the teacher wasn't there and I left for TV, I realized it wasn't what I had wanted anymore. Yeah, I loved it, but it wasn't what I was called to do. If it was, I'd be there. I had to get that out of my mind. As much as I loved TV, I had to focus more on Spanish. I stayed after every Tuesday of the school year to get extra speaking practice, many times being the only one that showed up. My grade was ridiculously high, and for an AP class, that did wonders to my GPA.
In all honesty, I loved it. I loved having the best of both worlds, even though sometimes it didn't seem that way in my mind. It was great. I had everything I wanted. Things I didn't think I'd get, but better. God really worked with this situation to make it the best for me. But, then again, in the beginning, I wanted to keep in mind that if I didn't pass the AP test, then it wouldn't be worth it.
I took the test in May. Everything that couldve gone wrong, went wrong. Even things I didn't anticipate. Anxiety and fear got the best of me by the time I went home. I couldn't do this. All of my attempts at trying really didn't pay off anymore. But I prayed that God would help me and use me in this situation, and I would trust that.
Moving on, to graduation. I reflected upon this whole situation and asked myself that question. Was it worth it? Even though I didn't pass, and I knew with my confidence levels (which never have been at such a low) that I didn't pass, I felt that it was worth it. The opportunities given, the way things worked...I don't think I would've liked it any other way. So yes, it was worth it.
July marked the beginning of AP scores being sent out to colleges, high schools, and lastly, students. I was anxious to get my score, with the idea that I would be lucky if I failed. Days went by and I had no idea how I did. God was going to use me in this, even though I had no idea how. I had never failed anything in a language class, in all my five years and seven courses. Today I found out my score. I passed. I really passed. I thought it was a joke, but it couldn't be. This is reality.
So was it worth it? Yes. All of it. And I wouldn't change anything about it.