On my way home from work this morning, (I work nights) I was listening to “Unconditional Love” by the Altar boys. And one line of the chorus got me thinking: “Give me your unconditional love, the kind of love I deserve.” That line’s always kind of been a problem for me; everywhere I look I see people completely undeserving of love in any form, and when I look honestly into my own heart I see nothing but darkness, selfishness, rebellion against God and morality – certainly nothing deserving of love. But then as I walked along I allowed my mind to turn the idea around. What if we are deserving of love, not because of what we are, but because of who made us? If we deny love to ourselves or others because of the darkness that pervades our hearts, souls, minds and will, don’t we also, by that very fact, tell God that he is a fool to love us? If God sees fit to love us simply because we are his creation, ought we not make every effort to do the same? It’s hard for me because I , like so many others, carry around this constant nagging feeling of unworthiness. But I guess if God sees me as worthy of his love, aren’t I being a little foolish not to just accept it joyfully? Arrogance wants me to work my way into God’s good favour, to feel like I’ve earned it…but in the end there is nothing I can do to be worthy of God’s love, there was nothing St. Paul, Martin Luther or Mother Teresa could do either. My head knows that, but my heart doesn’t seem to want to play ball. Maybe that constant, nagging guilt isn’t the result of God’s conviction in my life, but a result of my own ego. Something for me to think about.
October 30, 2007, 00:40AM
Some of the most powerful blogs I've read so far are the most transparent and honest, and you've done that here. I'm featuring your blog in this week's email. I hope that's ok.
10 points are coming your way for the feature.
No one likes to admit to rejecting God's love for us, but I'm sure we've all done it before. It's amazing to me that God's love for you is the same for me and is equal for every person on this site. Our history, our mistakes, our hurt, our pain, our misunderstandings of who He is just doesn't matter. We all have one thing in common. We serve a God who's the same yesterday, today and tomorrow and He loves us each the same.
Great post fearful. I'll be praying for strength to not only love yourself, but others around you, as Christ loves you.
fearfulsymmetry's Blog 
